ROSS Noble has been performing since he was smuggled in to his local comedy club at the age of 15.

Licensing laws meant that immediately after his slot he had to leave through the kitchen – but he has never looked back.

In the years since, Ross has become known as a truly exciting and genuinely original performer and has received huge critical acclaim.

He is a former Perrier Award nominee, Barry Award, and Time Out award winner for best live stand-up.

He answers our quick-fire questions: If you had to be stuck in a lift with someone, who would it be?

“Probably Evel Knievel.

Or MacGyver, from the legendary TV series. He would probably rewire it.

He'd have us out of there in a flash.”

What is your biggest fear?

“Being mistaken for some kind of woodland creature, like a moose, and having to fend off the attentions of an amorous animal.”

Do you have any superstitions?

“No. Before I go on stage I have a routine, like making sure my shoelaces are tied. Even if they are, I retie them. I don't think that's superstition, though, probably just an aversion to landing on my face.”

If you could only have one song on your MP3 player, what would it be?

“Three Wheels On My Wagon by The New Christy Minstrels, but I'd change the title to One Song On My iPod.”

What’s the most expensive item you’ve ever bought, not including property?

“My tractor.

I live in Australia and we've got plenty of land and I can play with it.

When I've got nothing to do I can just pop out and furrow the paddocks and I've been doing chores. I'm after a hovercraft, actually.”

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?

“It's that you should enjoy everything.

Even a bad experience can be enjoyed, if only so you learn more about what makes you happy.”

When was the last time you cried?

“Probably a while back when I'd been on tour and was absolutely knackered. I was in my hotel and some crappy TV movie came on and I started crying. I can't remember what it was about. Probably Siamese twins. They usually are.”

What’s your indulgence?

“DVDs and motorbikes. I really should cut back.”

How environmentally friendly are you?

“I only ride one of my many motorcycles at any one time. Seriously, I do my best, and I'm looking into getting solar panels, but when the big industries are doing so little, you wonder what difference you're actually going to make.”

What item could you not live without?

“'Honestly, my belt.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

“I'd have a tail.”

n Ross Noble is at Ashcroft Arts Centre on Sunday (box office: 01329 223100) and Forest Arts Centre, New Milton, on Monday (box office: 01425 612393).