WE might like to think of Christmas as a time for goodwill but research shows that it is also the time when tempers often fray.

Relationship counselling charity Relate has found that over the festive period and shortly after many more couples seek help with their relationship, while divorces typically double in January and solicitors dub January 3 ‘Divorce Day’.

But help is out there for couples who want to save their relationship.

Relate is the best-known provider of relationship counselling and for many couples who have realised their relationship needs outside help, it’s the first place they turn to, with services in the local area provided by Relate Solent.

Jane tells her story of how Relate relationship counselling helped save her marriage: “Three years ago, having led a generally happy life together with my husband Colin for 19 years, I gradually realised that we were drawing away from each other and growing apart.

“Our children had just gone through their exams at school and college and all our focus had been on supporting them.

“When July that year arrived, I realised that once they left home, my life would be really empty.

“Colin had his work and group of friends from school days and loved his sport.

“I had my part time job and social group and enjoyed my hobbies, but I began to wonder how I was going to cope with the next 19 years, and the rest of my life with Colin, who didn’t seem to notice me at all.

“On the surface, we looked like the ideal couple, but underneath it all I felt empty and unloved.

“I was like a housekeeper and mother but didn’t feel anything like a wife or even a good friend to him.

“I plucked up courage and tried to talk to Colin about how I felt and he couldn’t see anything wrong with our life together. “Things went on like this for a while and I began to feel really insignificant in Colin’s life – I provided the home comforts and that was all.

“After another couple of months I found out that Colin was seeing another woman who he had met through work and I felt my world had ended.

“We then agreed that we should go to Relate to ask for help – we couldn’t see the way forward without wrecking our home, our family and our future.

“We were both really nervous at the first appointment, but the counsellor we saw was so gentle and helped us to realise that we needed to talk things through properly and look at what we both wanted for the future.

“It took eight more visits to look at what we wanted for ourselves and our family and how we could achieve it together.

“We considered separation but decided to start again with a new honesty between us and talked about what we both needed from our relationship.

“Thankfully we worked things through and our ‘new life’ together (we refer to it as that) feels really different and very solid but strangely exciting.

“We could never have managed to do that on our own and we will be forever grateful to Relate for helping us see the way forward.

“We now value each other much more and look forward to spending time alone together. We have regained the closeness we once had before the children were born.

“We were lucky, we managed to pull our relationship back from the brink of disaster – if we had left it much longer it may have been too late.

“We now realise that other people we know have been though something similar but weren’t able to save their relationships.

“I guess what I’m saying is, ‘if your relationship isn’t right, then do something about it before it reaches a crisis’. We’ve since seen some of our friends separate and the devastation they have to deal with is really shocking – it’s had an effect on their whole family and all their friends.

“What a shame they didn’t know about Relate.”

  • For more information about Relate Solent, visit relatesolent.org.uk or call 023 8022 9761.