Today is Blue Monday, officially the saddest day of the year. Cold, stormy weather, post Christmas gloom, rising fuel bills and too much month left at the end of the money... it's enough to make some of us weep To help to cheer you up we tracked down some real jokers to help cheer you up if you're feeling blue.

Tim Burton, 20, a history student, of West Ridge Road, Portswood: How do you know when the terrorist attack threat level is going up?

When George Bush goes from an orange to a red crayon.

Luke Catterson, 21, a creative writing student of Welbeck Avenue, Portswood, started doing stand up last year: I had a few beers with a friend of mine who has no arms. He's a lovely bloke but he can't hold his drink.

Tom Pinnock, 37, of Chandler's Ford is a father-of-one and studies comedy, writing and performance at Solent University: There's two snowmen in a field, one turns to the other one and says Can you smell carrots?'.

William Shakespeare goes into his local pub, the landlord shouts Get out! You're Bard!' It's me who does the ironing, me who does the cooking, me who does the cleaning!

That's typical of her! - It's all Me, Me, Me'!

Alex Stein, 20, a history and archaeology student of Earl's Road, Portswood: What's orange and sounds like a parrot? Carrot.

Ash Bolton, aka News Nun, 26, of Newspaper House, Southampton, is generally regarded as quite funny and can count long-suffering fellow journalists as loyal fans.

Why are pirates called pirates? Because they argggggghh!!!!

What did the Spanish fireman call his two children? Hose A and Hose B.

ADD YOUR BEST JOKE TO THE COMMENT SECTION - BUT REMEMBER - KEEP IT CLEAN