COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.
I’M WORRIED MY HUSBAND HAS BECOME TOO CLOSE TO A WOMAN AT WORK
My husband went through a difficult patch at work. His role was being made particularly difficult by a young man who worked in his department, who couldn’t be trusted to do the job properly.
My husband was supported by the company, and in particular by a lady who worked in the Human Resources department. She helped him a lot and together they managed to resolve the problems.
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Things returned to normal, but I know my husband has continued to see this lady quite regularly. I've always wondered if there is something more to it.
FIONA SAYS: HAVE YOU LOOKED AT WHERE THE DISTRUST IS COMING FROM?
It’s most likely that this woman was simply doing what she was paid to do and acted in a professional counselling capacity to sort out your husband’s problem. Even if that wasn’t the case, it’s quite usual for friendships to grow out of shared work issues.
I’m not sure where your concerns really came from, as you don’t indicate that he was staying late or away from home at all? If an affair had been going on between them, I’m sure there would have been ‘overtime’ and reasons to worry a lot more. It’s quite possible for all of us to have friends of the opposite sex, without this ever being a threat to our established partnerships.
MY FIANCE IS IGNORING HIS EX-WIFE’S LETTERS
My fiance and I got engaged at Christmas and we’ve just bought a flat together. It’s all happened quite quickly, as we’ve only been together for about 18 months - we started going out just after his divorce came through.
I thought that part of his life was over, so it came as a shock when I discovered that his ex-wife has been writing to him every couple of weeks. He just throws the letters away unopened, saying that it’s over between them and he doesn’t want anything more to do with her.
I do feel sorry for her though and wonder why she is persisting with these letters. Should I say something to my fiance, or leave things as they are?
FIONA SAYS: I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN
Your concern for your husband’s ex-wife does you credit, and I think you are right to be concerned.
There would seem to be some sort of unfinished matter between them and, naturally, you feel like it is hanging over your relationship. He owes it to you to clear it up.
Email help@askfiona.net for advice.
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