MY boyfriend and I are no longer dating. Don’t get me wrong – we haven’t split up. It’s just that our arrangements to see each other don’t have that formal date quality anymore.

We’re more likely to stay in and make dinner or watch a DVD than engage in some formal dating activity like cinema, dinner or pub. And our arrangements are a bit looser.

This is partly because of not going out as much but also because we’re generally more relaxed, so “I’ll be there at 7.30pm” has turned into “I’ll see you later”.

This has its good and its bad points. It’s nice the relationship has moved on and we can be relaxed and just hang out in each other’s company.

But if you don’t feel equally relaxed about arrangements, there’s potential for conflict.

I’m quite an organised person. I like to know what I’m doing and when. My boyfriend, on the other hand, thinks making an arrangement to come over at 8pm means you’re going to arrive anytime between 7.45pm and 8.30pm.

Even though I know this about him, sometimes it can leave me feeling like a bit of an idiot and a little neglected if I’m ready for him to arrive and he doesn’t show for half an hour.

Of course, it’s not all a one-way street. We spend most of our time together at my house rather than his flat. Because he normally stays at my house three or four nights a week, this can leave him feeling like he’s living out of a suitcase, always having to decide in advance what he’s going to wear and never having time to do his laundry or just slob out.

My friend May experienced this problem with her boyfriend. She says: “There was a clear hinterland between the dating part of my relationship and the point where we began living together. In the early dating phase, we’d both make a considerable effort with each other and, if we were staying in, we would cook a special meal and watch a DVD; it all very much had a feeling of romance attached to it. After a while though, my partner was spending much longer periods at my house when we were just hanging out. This seemed to involve a lot of doing nothing very much and at times I think we both felt we could be doing better things with our time.

For example, on a sunny day, I’d need to quell my urge to potter in the garden because it didn’t seem right to leave my partner indoors. The problem was solved when he moved in as we then both felt able to do our own thing without constant reference to each other.”

Still, even though this post-dating relationship phase has the odd snag, it’s got its good points.

I like being about to phone my boyfriend up for a chat without worrying I’ll look too keen and it’s nice knowing we’ll definitely see each other at the weekend without having to make a formal arrangement.

I also think you can get to know someone better when you’re relaxed and are just “being” together rather than “doing” – it’s probably more revealing about how suited for each other you are than when you’re both on your best behaviour.

But I do think it’s important to make an effort to be romantic – and if you do, you can probably be late every now and then without it being a deal-breaker.