He's moving in

It was the advance guard of my boyfriend’s stuff – he’s moving in with me.

It’s the final step in a chain of events that started months and months ago when it came up in conversation.

Since then I think we’ve both had a wide range of thoughts and feelings about it.

When it was first discussed, I was pleased that it was on the cards but wasn’t ready for it.

It felt like a big step that would have the potential to mess our relationship up rather than strengthening it, if we rushed into it too soon.

We postponed the decision until after Christmas and then postponed it a bit more.

In the meantime, numerous discussions have ensued about the practicalities of it.

I think we’ve both worked through our concerns, ranging from making sure we spend quality time together and apart to agreeing that he can cook bacon (I’m vegan) but it has to be in his own frying pan.

The main thing that we’ve done, however, is mentally adjust to the idea. I’ve got used to living on my own and being able to do exactly as I please whereas while he has always lived with someone else, it’s always been a housemate, never a girlfriend.

Of course, there will be lots of adjustments to make once he actually moves in. But now, rather than swinging between thinking it will be good fun to angsting that it will put too much strain on the relationship, I’m simply looking forward to it.

Whereas my boyfriend and I have spent a good four months, if not longer, discussing his moving in, my friend May leapt into it with her boyfriend as a result of circumstances.

She says: “My partner and I had had little discussion about the possibility of setting up home together when, seven months into our relationship, a particular set of circumstances arose which made his moving in with me the most sensible arrangement.

Because it all happened so fast there was no real opportunity to think about the pros and cons or time for angst and doubts to surface.

“We were so overtaken by the speed of events that I don't think either of us really gave much thought about whether it was to be a long-term arrangement and therefore we were spared the decisionmaking process. If it hadn’t worked out, he would have, to put it simply, needed to pack up his things and find somewhere else to live.

However, from such an inauspicious start, it has not only worked out but has improved over the course of the past seven years. I’ve always been grateful that there wasn’t the opportunity to consider the matter in depth as, having lived on my own for several years beforehand, I’m fairly sure that I wouldn’t have found it easy to make such a decision and could have teetered on the brink for a considerable time, not knowing which way to jump.”

I can see the appeal of having the decision made for you, as in May’s case but I’m glad my boyfriend and I didn’t rush into shacking up together.

I’m still a bit nervous but mostly I’m excited about it. I just hope he doesn’t play the heavy metal CDs when I’m in the house!