WHEN I first started writing columns for Single in the City I hoped I would be inundated with fan mail from local lovelies seduced by my literary charms.

However, it turns out pity is not as alluring a quality as I had hoped and I watched many long, dry, dateless months pass me by.

Therefore, when I managed to trick a hottie into joining me for a meal by saying my cat had died and I needed cheering up, I knew it was vital that I pull out all the stops.

To boost my chances I asked dating group Singles That Mingle to arm me with a list of dos and don’ts.

The first tip was about the venue – a decision that would no doubt have a great influence on the night as a whole.

Despite the credit crunch, I resisted the temptation to invite my date scrumping and opted for a snazzy restaurant in the trendy Oxford Street area of Southampton.

Making an effort sounded like common sense but a quick poll of women around the office revealed some men think it is acceptable to turn up for a romantic evening clad in a tracksuit, a less than fresh football shirt or, in one extreme case, wearing a white suit.

These filthy lowlife made me feel better as I pulled on a freshly ironed shirt and trousers ensemble.

As my list instructed, I got to the restaurant a clear 15 minutes early and spent my time nervously sipping a beer and looking at my watch as I waited for my date to arrive.

She turned up and thankfully we immediately hit it off, but I kept peeking at my list to keep me on the straight and narrow.

She had just ordered water when I remembered I was to offer to pay for the meal.

It took all my restrain to avoid yelling the prefix “tap” at the waiter.

Throughout the meal, I tried my hardest not to talk about sex and even avoided ordering phallic-shaped nibbles and food that had sordid connotations.

We did, however, skirt around the issue of inappropriate dates and at one point she mentioned with disgust men she had met who speak to women solely through double entendres and innuendo.

Every sinew in my body was crying out to say “in-your-endo” and click my fingers at her like they were tiny guns but this seemed like the kind of thing the author of my list would have frowned upon so I bit my lip and sat on my guns.

Due to my dubious financial standing, as our evening ended I was forced to pay by baby Switch – or Solo as I believe it is known in the banking industry.

I can only assume she didn’t notice or is a kindly soul who finds poverty sexy as, with the help of my list, I was able to secure a second date.

● For more details about Singles That Mingle contact Nicky Payne on 0781 054 4326 between 7.30pm to 9.30pm Monday to Saturday.

DOs and DON’Ts

DO

  • Make an effort
  • Offer to drive
  • Pick a romantic venue
  • Turn up early
  • Offer to pay

DON’T

  • Talk about sex
  • Complain about work
  • Whine about ex-girlfriends
  • Try too hard
  • Argue about the bill

What are your dos and don’ts for dating success? Email simon.carr@dailyecho.

co.uk with your suggestions.