STAYING intimate with a partner by showing affection and enjoying a satisfying sex life can be the essential glue that helps to keep a relationship together.

But all too often, sex slips to the bottom of the list, relegated like a chore, and for many couples may end up as just an occasional after-thought fitted in only after the routines of work, home and children.

Clinical psychologist Linda Blair says: “A gradual decline in intimacy, physical and mental, is one of the main reasons for marital breakdown after the last child leaves home.

“This area of our life has to be worked on.

Many couples don’t realise it, and unless that happens it can slide away – usually leaving one of the partners dissatisfied.”

Mother-of-two Charla Muller had a novel solution. On her husband Brad’s 40th birthday, her gift was to guarantee him sex every night for a year.

“We had a good solid relationship. We’d been married for eight years with two young children, but sex had fallen by the wayside,”

she says.

“I wanted to reconnect with Brad, and give him a gift he would never forget.”

Brad initially refused as he felt it would end spontaneity, but eventually agreed, and Charla details the story of that year in her best-selling, no-holds-barred book, 365 Nights.

Both were surprised that scheduled sex wasn’t a turn off because of its predictability.

“In fact, for the majority of the year it felt the opposite,” says Charla, 40.

“The pressure came off. Brad was no longer harbouring feelings of rejection that he revealed he’d had when I’d said I was simply too tired for sex.

She stresses that the book isn’t about the physical act, but about the transformation in their lives brought about through taking the trouble to relate to each other and please each other.

“It spilled into our whole life and we both felt happier. Regular sex is a great stress reliever, and I discovered a relaxing romp with Brad was a great distraction from all the pressures of life,” Charla explains.

They did have an agreement that they could always ‘pass’ on a session if one or other didn’t feel like it.

“To put it in perspective, I discovered that even if I’m tired, stressed or have done four loads of laundry or a school run, I can still find time to enjoy 20 minutes quality time with Brad.”

■ 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy, by Charla Muller, John Blake Publishing, £11.99.

Available now.