A THIRD of children whose parents go through a messy divorce can be left so traumatised that they turn to drink and drugs, a new study has revealed.

The poll of 2,000 people found that one in ten youngsters of parents who have an acrimonious separation turn to crime while eight per cent consider suicide.

The survey of people who had experienced divorce in the last 20 years also revealed:
● 42 per cent of children witnessed aggressive rows between their parents
● Almost half forced to comfort an upset mother or father
● Just under a quarter admit they were forced by one parent to lie to the other
● 15 per cent were asked to spy on a parent Parents’ charity Parentline Plus is now appealing for greater support for families going through the trauma of divorce and separation to help reduce the damaging effect on children.

The calls are made in their report, “Love Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other” – The Impact of Divorce and Separation on Families: published after extensive consultation with parents who have experienced the devastating effects of family break up.

“Divorce and separation is a process that is profoundly distressing for all involved,” says Leanne Hubbard, area manager of Parentline Plus in Hampshire.

“In order to manage to reach agreements about anything, mothers and fathers and children need help and support to come to terms with what has been lost so that they can begin to rebuild their lives. And because they are ashamed, traumatised, isolated and overwhelmed, services need to reach out to them.”

Maureen Nuttall, strategy development manager at Action for Children, said: “Divorce can be a difficult time for families and children can often be left isolated if they do not get appropriate understanding and guidance.

“These findings highlight the need for targeted support for both parents and children at what can be a complicated and confusing time.”

Parentline Plus asked parents who had been through divorce for their best advice, here are what some said:
● Always put your children first. Leave your point scoring and any power games to another arena. Look at the long term and ask yourself, are you really putting the children first
● Give the children constant reassurance that it is nothing to do with them and that mummy or daddy still love them the same but just don’t love each other any more
● Try not to look back and beat yourself up about mistakes you may have made in the past. You can’t change the past only worrying about it affects the present and the future
● Seek out people or groups where you can meet people with similar experiences.

● Before you split up with your partner it seems like an impossible, daunting, unthinkable task. Money, time, work, splitting furniture and so on. It’s all old memories and in no time at all and before you know it, you’re doing it on your own. You survived Where to go for help: Parentline Plus offers a 24-hour free confidential Parentline 0808 800 2222.

The organisation’s website parentlineplus. org.uk also gives details of parenting groups and workshops.

Southampton Children’s Information Service can also give contact details for a range of support services on 0800 169 8833.