Enough abuse

'MUMS are supposed to protect their children. I had freely allowed mine access to a sex abuser."

When Thames Valley police knocked on Marilyn Hawes' front door her life was about to change forever.

Jeffrey Carney was her dearest friend, a trusted headmaster and a Christian who had helped her through difficult times and been a rock for her young children.

Eight months after the knock on Marilyn's door, Carney pleaded guilty to sexually abusing two young boys. He was given a three-year community rehabilitation order.

For Marilyn, the hell was only just beginning.

"After the police left my home, having interviewed my family for nine hours, the horror began," the mother of four, who was brought up in Southampton and now lives in West Sussex, said.

"I remember being physically sick, hardly able to speak or breathe.

"For a few days I was numb with shock and total denial. Then you begin to cry, and you can't stop. You think about it 24 hours a day, you talk about nothing else within your family, and you are confused and broken beyond imagination."

During these dark days Marilyn, 51, had to face up to the fear that she had put her children in a position of danger by introducing them to a man who turned out to be a paedophile.

"Watching my twin sons, then 16 years old, coping with their emotions was hell," she said. " This man was their friend - so they believed. What did they think of me as their mum - would they ever trust me again? Their minds and lives had been blighted, their innocence and trust destroyed. I had befriended this man - a child molester."

Once Carney pleaded guilty to the charges of sex abuse, Marilyn had some difficult realisations to face up to.

"How could I have missed it?

"The guilt was horrendous. I had to face the possible fate my children may have endured at the hands of a man my family had trusted and respected."

Carney was originally given a three-year community rehabilitation order, but Marilyn was determined to fight for justice.

"I had to fight back," she said. "Even though the victims in the case were men who were now adults. But this man had been a churchgoer and a head teacher.

"I was told there was no hope of challenging the courts. But I fought back. I was fighting for my children's sanity, and my own, and for justice for the victims who were in court."

After a lengthy campaign, the matter was taken to the Court of Appeal and Carney's sentence was deemed to be too lenient. He was jailed for 15 months.

Marilyn's victory celebrations were short-lived.

"I had to wait six months for a counsellor and even then there was nobody trained in this scenario," she said. "So I began to write everything down as a cathartic exercise."

Four days and 40,000 words later her book, Never Take No For An Answer, was completed. It was published by the Book Guild in June 2004.

For Marilyn the battle may be won but the war is only just beginning.

Along with Jo Evans, who was abused as a child by her headmaster, she has launched Enough Abuse, a campaigning consultancy which aims to raise awareness of child sex abuse and "grooming".

Through Enough Abuse, which counts actress Julie Walters as patron, Marilyn and Jo are working for better education in the prevention of grooming and child sex abuse, and lobbying and campaigning for changes in the law.

This month Enough Abuse has launched a booklet giving guidelines for identifying and managing issues created by grooming and sexual abuse of children.

"Some people, understandably, find this a difficult and sensitive subject," Marilyn said. "It is our belief that parents, carers, youth workers and the like are still being kept in the dark. Everyone has the right of access to the facts."

Grooming is not a new phenomenon but technological advances such as the Internet have made it easier for paedophiles to identify and groom targets.

"Research shows the number of children currently being abused by abusers' use of technology is increasing. The child's online friend is a secret, any meeting in the real world may remain that way and their whereabouts undetected," Marilyn said.

"Police paedophile units now have very sophisticated methods and equipment to patrol cyberspace. Nevertheless, it is a game of cat and mouse. Paedophiles are clever and they regularly change their language and phrases used between them, attempting to stay ahead of the police."

Enough Abuse advises only letting children use chat rooms which have a moderator and keeping an eye on children's Internet use.

Marilyn and Jo also campaign strongly to change people's perception of paedophiles.

According to research from the Metropolitan Police paedophile unit, 60 per cent of abused children are abused by blood relatives, 30 per cent by friends and neighbours and ten per cent by strangers.

This means 90 per cent of children who are sexually abused knew their abuser.

According to statistics from police researchers, 35 per cent of child porn and Internet chat room paedophiles are actually offending.

For Marilyn, the fight won't stop until the abuse does.

"Everyone in society who has an interest and involvement in the management of children has the right of access to the truth about the way in which sex abusers operate," she said.

"The Enough Abuse team will not stop as an organisation until there are obvious and effective changes in place for better prevention and the ultimate protection of children."

For more details: www.enoughabuse.co.uk