A mother's nightmare

A YEAR ago Anne's daughter was like any other 12-year-old girl - mad about ponies, going to dance classes and buying the latest trendy clothes.

Lauren's favourite video was Roald Dahl's The Witches.

But now 12 months on all that childish innocence has been lost and Lauren is drinking, smoking pot and having under-age sex with a 26-year-old man.

It is every mother's nightmare - and Anne cannot believe the transformation her child has undergone in such a short time.

Sadly, it is not the first time Anne has been through such a nightmare - her eldest daughter became hooked on drugs and was lured into prostitution to pay for her habit.

"I can't believe this has happened again. Luckily my eldest daughter has sorted herself out now and she is ok - but I never believed this would happen to Lauren," she said.

As a consequence of what happened to her eldest daughter, Anne admitted she was protective of Lauren.

"Perhaps I was too protective but any mother would do the same. Lauren is my baby and I didn't want anything to happen to her like her sister.

"If I was going to be late home I always made sure she had a babysitter and she wasn't allowed into the city centre on her own.

"I just can't believe what has happened. When I look at her now I can still see the little girl but there's a hardness about her.

"I feel so upset that my child has been robbed of her childhood," she said.

Problems for Anne, 40, from Southampton and her family began in 2004 when the single mother challenged her daughter over her behaviour. When she started seeing this new friend I was really pleased. She had never really had a friend before so I encouraged it.

"But then I started to worry about her friendship when she told me the girl was sleeping with older men.

"In the end it turned out it was my daughter who was sleeping around," said Anne, who works in a caring profession. The Daily Echo has changed both their names to protect their identities.

When she tackled the youngster about staying out late and underage sex, she took off to her friends and moved in with the surrogate family. I informed everyone the day she ran away. I told social services, the police and Barnardo's.

"Lauren didn't want to come back to live here because I wanted her to go to school and not stay out all night.

"Living at her friend's house she was given more freedom - and she thought she was having a great time," said Anne.

With the support of social workers, Lauren moved back home with her mum and for a while they could live together.

But then Lauren started sneaking out after dark.

"It was a nightmare. I would think she was in her room and then I would discover she had sneaked out.

"When she didn't come back I would call the police and report her missing.

"I would have to wait for the police and sometimes it would be midnight before they arrived.

"I had started a degree course and I was trying to work on that but it was impossible to concentrate because Lauren kept going missing," she said.

Unable to cope any more, Anne gave up her degree course and told social services she could no longer have Lauren living with her.

"It was a terrible decision to make but I just couldn't cope with her any more.

"She wouldn't go to school and I couldn't stop her going out at night. I couldn't restrain her in anyway - I just felt powerless," she said.

Lauren went to stay in a unit run by Southampton City Council but she has continued to run away.

"Out of the 28 days in February, she was not there for 24.

"Every evening I wait for the phone call from the unit informing me she is missing," she said.

Anne's worst fear is that her daughter is being 'groomed' for prostitution by her so called 'boyfriend.'

"She has had two sexually transmitted infections or STI's so clearly she is having unprotected sex.

"She doesn't realise the implications of this and she isn't taking the medication for the STI's.

"We took her mobile phone from her and she received lots of calls from men asking for her by name and by other names.

"The next time we saw her she had been given another phone. She has new trainers and is being taken to nightclubs.

"I have been told she is seeing a 26-year-old man and I feel disgusted by this.

"The police have found her drunk on the pavement and stoned out of her mind.

"I am worried they will give her crack and she will end up working to pay for her habit," she said.

In the meantime Anne can only hope that her daughter will see sense and start to take care of herself. She has nothing but praise for the social workers and project workers who are trying to help Lauren but admitted they had all been left frustrated by the situation.

"It has been like this for a year now and I don't know how much longer it will go on.

"I saw Lauren for mother's day - she came here and we spent some time together.

"But she's been missing since then.

"My life is in limbo. I don't go out much, I just sit at home and wait to hear if she's at the unit or not.

"I can't go on holiday or spend any time away because I am so worried about Lauren," she said.

Director of Southampton Social Services Dr John Beer said he had every sympathy with the situation Anne had found herself in - and confirmed the City Council would continue to care for Lauren.

There are two children in the council's care who are absconding and Lauren is one of those.

But there are countless teenagers across the city who become so-called 'sofa-surfers' - sleeping on their mate's settee because they don't want to go home.

Carol Hopwood was left distraught when her son Luke decided he no longer wanted to live at home with her and went off to stay at a friend's home.

The Daily Echo revealed her story and told how she had been forced to sign over her son's child benefit payments to a woman she had never met and who was now caring for her boy.

"Without a doubt this will kill me because you never get over the sadness of them leaving. We were so close, he was my baby but now he is 17 and he has totally changed"

Dr John Beer said social services was not in the business of locking-up children in its care and secure accommodation would only ever be used in the most extreme of cases.

"Our job is to try to keep children with their families if they possibly can stay there.

"Sadly there is no quick fix and that is the hardest part.

"You have to keep trying - you can't give up and you can't stop loving.

"Clearly this girl is suffering a pain that we need to help her deal with - if we can get to the pain her behaviour will be moderated.

"She is clearly engaged in some high risk activities. Our efforts to try to control that haven't met with a great deal of success so far but as long as we are able to communicate with her and her mother there is still hope.

"Our aim is to get her to be able to control her behaviour before she does any more harm to herself," he said.

Have you been through the heartache of a child leaving home? Does your son or daughter 'sofa-surf'? If you would like to share your story contact Kate Thompson on 023 8042 4761.