NICK Persons (Ice Cube) is a bling-ed up love machine, a 'playa' and smooth operator with an eye for the ladies and a mind for shameless flattery.

When he's not cruising the streets of Portland, Oregon, in his brand new, state-of-the-art Lincoln Navigator, Nick runs a sports memorabilia store with his wise-cracking colleague Marty (Jay Mohr).

The shop is filled with rare trading cards, photographs and autographed ephemera - it's a strict no-go zone for children. If there's one thing Nick loathes above all else, it's brats.

Then, the ladies man falls deliriously in love (or is it lust?) with beautiful divorcee Suzanne Kingston (Nia Long), who works for the events management company across the road. She is a single mother with a seven-year-old son called Kevin (Philip Daniel Bolden) and an 11-year-old Lindsey (Aleisha Allen), the daughter with attitude.

The youngsters are a real handful, constantly chasing away their mother's potential boyfriends because they are convinced that their errant father will be back any day to repair their broken home.

Nick tries to woo Suzanne, ignoring the fact that she is, in his words, "a breeder", concentrating instead on her finer points - like her body. Unfortunately, Suzanne needs a man who wants her AND her offspring, so when Suzanne finds herself stuck in Vancouver on New Year's Eve organising a swanky party for a client, and the children's father reneges on a promise to baby-sit, Nick gallantly offers to reunite Kevin and Lindsey with their mom. Big mistake. Are We There Yet? accelerates down a familiar route - think Home Alone meets Parenthood - setting the scene for a battle royal between Nick and his pint-sized opponents. Although Nick's motives for going to Vancouver are far from altruistic, the hapless hero is impossibly nice in the face of extreme provocation from the kids.

When Kevin and Lindsey leap onto a freight train to escape from Nick, he gives chase on horseback. Not because it makes any sense within the context of the story, but because the ridiculous sight of Ice Cube clinging on to an animatronic steed provides the shaky foundation for one of the myriad comic set pieces that litter the road trip.

The children eventually see their father for the selfish swine he is, and sure enough, Nick has a childhood sob story of his own to initiate the sickly bonding.

The four screenwriters take toilet humour at its most literal - vomit and urine abound - and hastily engineer a feelgood finale. The humour is gentle and inoffensive, warranting the occasional smile but belly laughs are in short supply.

Rating 4/10