AS I stagger into the Empire cinema in Leicester Square very early one morning, a man dressed in a frock coat and top hat suddenly shouts "Beware!" into my face, causing my sleep-encrusted eyes to whip wide open in indignant shock.
Lemony Snicket is the first mainstream film whose publicity consists mainly of warnings to the public NOT to go and see it, as, according to its makers, it's "extremely unpleasant".
But, of course, it's not really. It's quite the opposite in fact, being a stunningly realised wonder, a witty tale set in a beautifully designed, and deliberately anachronistic, gothic universe.
Mr Snicket himself (Jude Law) narrates, telling us the tragic tale of the gifted Baudelaire children, who have been made orphans by a fire that killed their parents.
Violet (Emily Browning), the eldest at 14, is an inventor, while Klaus (Liam Aiken), her 12-year-old brother, devours books, remembering everything he reads. Finally, there's the toddler, Sunny, who enjoys biting things with her four very sharp teeth, and who can communicate through subtitled baby talk that only her siblings understand.
Dispatched to stay with their distant relative Count Olaf (Jim Carrey), they soon realise, when he parks his car on a railway line and leaves them there to be squished, that he's merely interested in getting his hands on their inheritance.
And so the children are given to other guardians, including snake-loving Uncle Monty (Billy Connolly) and fear-filled Aunt Josephine (Meryl Streep) to keep them safe - but Olaf is never far behind, wearing ridiculous new disguises and bringing a series of even more unfortunate events with him.
Given that this is another adaptation of a successful series of children's books (this film combines numbers one to three of the 11 written), there will be inevitable comparisons with Harry Potter.
But, as far as films go, I'd place my neck on the block to declare that this is a stronger adaptation than any of the three Potter movies yet. Its skill is to take slight source material and make it stronger.
In addition, the acting from the children is absolutely beyond reproach - Browning and Aiken turning in solemnly authentic performances.
For the adults, Jim Carrey is back on caffeinated form, after his subdued excellence in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and relishes the endless character possibilities for awful Olaf - as some larger-than-life moments make obvious.
Meryl Streep wallows in the opportunity to get real laughs as the grammar-obsessed and ridiculously nervous Josephine. But, would you believe it, they're all upstaged by the baby.
From the hilarious beginning, to heartstring-twanging conclusion, it's a delight.
All ye of twisted mind, draw near and relish - thrills, spills and laughs don't come in a much better form than this.
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