THAT'S JUSTICE

A be-wigged judge and a jury were called on to try the case of a man accused of stealing a policeman's helmet and hiding it inside his shirt after an argument over a popped balloon.

But the judge wasn't laughing. And nor were the jury at Southampton Crown Court who took less than five minutes to clear the defendant of theft.

Judge John Boggis QC, pictured left, rounded on the police and the crime Prosecution Service for bringing the case which was estimated to have cost the tax-payer £3,000 for a two-hour trial. He even apologised to the jury for wasting their time.

"I regard these proceedings as the most appalling waste of public money, a waste of time, and something which only brings the administration of criminal justice into disrepute," said Judge Boggis.

The case came to court after a prank went too far for bobbies on the beat in the city.

Neil Brake picked up a policeman's helmet, shoved it up his shirt and pretended to his friends that he was pregnant.

Mr Brake, 28, of Brookside Way, West End, picked the helmet up from the ground outside a Southampton bar in August last year, while PC Steve Marchant and another officer dealt with a fight that had broken out.

He had walked a short distance when he was stopped by another policeman, PC Paul Selby, who arrested him.

The helmet was returned to its owner, PC Marchant, and Mr Brake was charged with theft. He denied the charges and elected trial by jury.

Before the trial began Judge Boggis was incredulous that it had even come to court, telling prosecution barrister Angus Robertson: "You are having me on. Are we really wasting public money to deal with the alleged theft of a policeman's helmet that was returned to him?

"Have we lost all sense of proportion? We have got serious crimes being dealt with by this court."

But prosecutors were adamant that the trial should go ahead.

When proceedings started they left virtually everyone in the courtroom bemused, particularly the judge who took every opportunity to make sarcastic comments.

At one point he even joked that he would have to check that none of his boys had taken traffic cones home!

When the helmet in question was produced, he asked: "Is that the very helmet? Wow. Is it in working order after its terrible travels? So he hadn't peed in it? Or vomited in it? You were able to put it on again? Splendid."

When the court heard how PC Marchant found the helmet when he returned to Southampton Central police station, the judge said: "Somehow it got back to the station all by itself? Beam me up Scotty!"

The helmet had been taken to the station by PC Selby who arrested Mr Brake after discovering him near the entrance to West Quay Retail Park with the helmet up his shirt.

Martin Booth, defending, said Mr Brake had picked up the helmet while the policemen attended to a fight which had broken out "after one man burst another man's balloon". "This was not someone stealing a policeman's helmet," he said. "This was somebody who may have been irritating, drunk and a pain in the neck to police officers, having a night out."

Mr Brake, who told the court he had had about eight pints of lager top before the incident, added: "I just thought I would have a bit of a laugh. I carried the helmet up the road and put it up my shirt and had a joke with my friends, pretending that I was pregnant."

He claimed he never intended to keep the helmet, and would have handed it in eventually.

The jury took less than five minutes to reach their verdict. After Mr Brake was released Judge Boggis told Mr Robertson: "I wish the CPS to be told through you that I regard these proceedings as the most appalling waste of public money, a waste of time, and something which only brings the administration of criminal justice into disrepute.

"Twelve thoroughly decent people have had to listen to a case that should never have come anywhere near the criminal court.

"In my view the prosecution authorities have behaved extremely badly in bringing this case through to trial."

The judge then apologised to the jury.

"You should not have had your time taken up by what was a farce," he said. "This was always a farce."

In a final comment he said: "Now it would be great if the officers who felt it necessary to stay throughout this hearing could go and do some proper work."

Following the verdict Mr Brake, a property developer, told the Daily Echo: "It was embarrassing. It was a joke that they could bring it so far. It was a complete waste of taxpayers' money.

"Considering all the crimes committed today I never thought for one minute that I would be sat in the crown court dock for pretending to be pregnant with a policeman's helmet!"