THERE are few certainties in life, except for Ben Affleck's propensity for making bad movies.

Since the Oscar-winning glory days of Good Will Hunting and Shakespeare In Love, it's been one overstuffed turkey after another for the former Mr J-Lo and Surviving Christmas continues his poor run.

Take the worst Christmas Day imaginable - distant relatives cracking terrible jokes, an aged aunt getting drunk on sherry, pets running amok, children being sick on too much chocolate - and you don't come close to the excruciation and embarrassment of this so-called festive comedy.

The screenplay flails from lazy visual gag to deflated punch-line, drizzled with so much seasonal sentimentality you'll leave the cinema embracing your inner Scrooge.

Millionaire executive Drew Latham (Affleck) can buy all that his heart desires, except for one thing: a happy Christmas.

Plunged into the pits of despair by the prospect of spending another Yuletide alone, Drew takes the advice of his shrink and returns to his old childhood home to try to recapture some of his fondest memories.

There, Drew meets the current owners, Tom Valco (Gandolfini), his wife Christine (O'Hara) and rebellious teenage son Brian (Zuckerman), and he offers them a tantalising proposition: $250,000 if the Valcos will take him in for Christmas as if he were their own son.

Tom gladly accepts, seeing the money as his meal ticket to a better, happier life, preferably separated from Christine.

Chaos soon descends on the neighbourhood as Drew hires a jobbing actor to play his fictitious grandfather, Doo-Dah (Macy), and the Valcos' daughter Alicia (Applegate) arrives home to find her loved ones entertaining the delusions of a raving, wealthy maniac.

Fearful of forfeiting their hefty pay cheque, the Valcos begrudgingly cater to Drew's every whim.

In the process, they rediscover the strength of their love for each other, and the spirit of togetherness which epitomises the festive season.

Affleck once again displays a complete lack of charisma or warmth, bounding about the screen with all of the energy of an over-excited mechanical puppy.

He overplays every tired joke and the chemistry with Applegate's love interest is frozen to death in the snow well before the first hour is up.

Gandolfini and O'Hara seem suitably ashamed by the whole debacle but soldier on bravely, focusing on their pay cheques.

I survived Surviving Christmas so you don't have to - call it my gift to you. Bah humbug!