IN THE wake of National Carers Week, 14-year-old Mary Crawford tells KATE THOMPSON how she helps bring up the family.

THERE are times when Rebecca Crawford finds being a single mum the most challenging job in the world, and it's then that she thanks her lucky stars that she has Mary.

The 14-year-old middle child has become her rock and she admits that without the teenager's help, she would have struggled to stay calm on several occasions.

"There is something called 'team parenting' where members of an extended family help the mother bring up the children.

"My parents help and so do other members of my family, but what is unusual is that Mary has taken on a parenting role.

"It isn't the norm to have siblings taking on that role, but Mary's help has been invaluable," said Rebecca, 34.

Ever since the age of two, Mary has been helping her mum Rebecca look after the rest of the family.

In those early days she would often intervene when her elder brother James became difficult to handle.

He is exceptionally bright with an IQ of 140 but his behaviour is erratic. He suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Asperger's syndrome - a mild form of autism - and Tourette's syndrome.

"Mary has always been there to help me. I feel that I can get through it all because of her. She makes me able to cope. Often she can reason with James when I just can't get through to him," she said.

When little sister Jean-Louise was born she looked after her and continues to keep a close eye on her.

"Mary has been really involved in the parenting of Jean-Louise. She baths her, washes her hair, gets her dressed in the morning and helps her with her homework.

"Often because of stress I'm not very well and Mary just takes over. She cooks us meals, washes up and keeps the house tidy.

"Mary has always been so responsible. I feel sorry for her because most days she doesn't know what she is coming home to. I might have a migraine or James might be having a bad day but she just takes over," she said.

When Rebecca and Mary noticed Jean-Louise was becoming more withdrawn and spending a lot of time in her bedroom alone, together they discovered what the problem was.

It turned out the bright ten-year-old had 170 imaginary friends and, in her little world, she had no time to form attachments with her real family.

"We were all in the garden one day when Mary and I started talking to Jean-Louise. We had been worried about her behaviour and between us we discovered she had all these imaginary friends.

"At that time there were about 142 'friends' and she could name them all, that went up to 170, but now the number seems to be dropping.

"Mary has been very good with her, drawing her out of herself and making sure she doesn't just hide away in the bedroom," she said.

Rebecca is especially proud of Mary because she has not allowed her responsibilities at home to detract from her schoolwork.

She is due to take eight GCSEs next summer and Mary wants to become a primary schoolteacher.

"She does very well, despite all the disruption at home. Sometimes I have to remind the school what her home life is like if I think they are not being fair with her.

"Most of the time she copes brilliantly and she can't wait to become a teacher. She recently did work experience at her old school and she got some really lovely cards from the children.

"They told her she was the 'best teacher in the world' and they can't wait for her to come back," said Rebecca proudly.

Mary seemingly takes it all in her stride and takes her own caring actions for granted.

"I think it's normal to do what I do. I've done it all my life.

"I do look after Jean-Louise, I help to keep her calm. I try to make her happy and I give her a cuddle when she is feeling scared," said Mary.

For her part, Rebecca realises the significance of what Mary gives to the family, and she is extremely grateful.

"We wouldn't have got this far without her help. A lot of people have supported me, family and friends have been really important.

"I dread to think what life would have been like without them but, throughout it all, Mary, like my parents, has always been there to help me.

"She is a wonderful girl," she said.