A HAMPSHIRE mother and daughter are launching a new service to help women coming to terms with the loss of a child...

WHEN Nina Taylor discovered the child she had been carrying had died inside her, she felt her world falling apart. She had to endure the trauma of a 36-hour labour to give birth to her stillborn son, Harry - and then suffer the indignity of seeing her premature baby left in a metal dish at the foot of her bed for an hour.

"It was an awful experience. They told me Harry had been dead inside me for quite some time and so I was no longer treated like a mother-to-be.

"I had no midwife to look after me - I was a medical patient but I was still expected to go through a 36-hour labour," said Nina, 37, from Chandler's Ford.

"There was no dignity at all - he was just left in a dish at the end of the bed.

"It was like a nightmare. I had to try to cope with the realisation I wasn't giving birth to a live baby and deal with all my emotions," she said.

In the days following the birth, there was plenty of practical help for Nina and her husband. There were people there to advise on the funeral and all the necessary paperwork but there was no one to help Nina come to terms with her loss.

"We decided to go away for a family holiday to try to come to terms with what had happened.

"I was an absolute nightmare - I just shouldn't have gone. I ruined everyone's holiday because of how I felt.

"As well as the emotional pain, there was physical pain too - it was a very difficult time," she said.

As the weeks and months passed Nina felt more and more isolated by her sorrow and grief. She had to put on a brave face for the sake of her family but inside she was tortured.

She blamed herself for what had happened to Harry and questioned what she could have done to help him live.

"My husband dealt with things in his own way - he just got on with things and didn't really talk about Harry.

"I tried to get on with life but I was really struggling.

"I went to see my GP and he didn't want to put me on antidepressants. He encouraged me to set myself goals throughout the day.

"For a while I didn't care about looking after myself but little by little I started taking a bit more interest in my appearance," she said.

It was Nina's mother Wendy who helped her daughter turn the corner when she suggested they both learn more about life coaching.

Nina had been offered counselling but she feared it would unlock more problems for her.

"I didn't want to look back and rake over things in my past - I wanted to be able to move on with my life.

"I didn't want to forget about Harry, I just wanted to be able to live with the fact he was dead," she said.

Learning the fundamentals of life coaching helped her to turn her life around - and now she and Wendy want to help other mothers who find themselves in the same position.

"They asked me what I wanted - and that's the basis of life coaching. I said I wanted to be happy and I wanted to move forward.

"As the course went on I began to feel amazing. I suddenly realised that everything that had happened had been for a reason. I knew I would never get over it but I would be able to live with it.

"I know Harry will always be with me and I see his whole being as something so special - it is because of him that my life has totally changed around," she said.

Nina used to work as a childminder but now she has become course manager for playwork at Eastleigh College. She has gained teaching and assessing qualifications and she is once again buzzing with life.

Inspired by her daughter's transformation, Wendy has set up a life coaching service called Mum Knows Best and it is aimed at women who have suffered the trauma of a stillbirth.

"People don't realise until it happens to them that there really is nothing out there to help you get back on your feet again.

"I believe life coaching can help you turn things around and find the strength to move on," said Wendy.

For details, call Wendy on 07796 881173.