A last resting place?

WHEN Home Secretaries issue consultation documents, it's usually only political and pressure groups who respond.

But a current policy paper, Burial Law and Policy in the 21st Century, proposing radical new ways of treating the dead and their resting places, is likely to result in a huge mailbag from the general public.

By July 13, the government wants to hear your views on whether there is a need for more council-run burial sites, the exhumation of bodies to make room for more bodies, and the way burial grounds and crematoriums are run and managed.

Historically, burial was the responsibility of the established church, and was provided for in churchyards adjacent to parish churches.

But since the mid-1990s, as urban housing developed, new churches were built without graveyards, while local authorities took over responsibility at council-run cemeteries.

Despite the fact that, of the 600,000 deaths in the country each year, 70 per cent of people choose cremation, many councils in the UK are struggling to fulfil the demand for graves.

Southampton City Council says there is still room in the city's cemeteries, but most parish churches in the city have little space left.

The Venerable Adrian Harbidge is Archdeacon of Bournemouth, advising clergy on graveyard matters and church buildings in the New Forest and Southampton areas.

He said: "We don't clear our graveyards although, if the remains have been there for more than 100 years, we may allow some development on the land, providing that the graves are not disturbed and headstones remain.

"The big issue here is that, until the Victorian era, families buried their dead knowing that, in due course, the grave would be used for someone else.

"Today's mourners assume their loved ones will lie there for all eternity - and that's not possible. In centuries past, graves would be exhumed, and any bones remaining would be collected and buried deeper down, thereby allowing fresh graves on top.

"The church is perhaps at fault by allowing the assumption of 'eternal rest' to continue, and so I welcome this consultation document."

Michelle Rowley, public relations officer at the CRUSE Bereavement Care charity, said: "CRUSE welcomes the consultation paper.

"Many towns and cities in the UK face serious overcrowding of cemeteries, and therefore bereaved people often have to take two bus journeys to get to a new cemetery where their loved one is buried.

"This adds to the distress at an already difficult time and is very inconvenient.

"We welcome the 'lift and deepen' policy, so that people can be buried nearer to their families."

However, CRUSE recognises that many bereaved families will not find exhuming graves acceptable.

Annie Kiff-Wood, an experienced bereavement counsellor for the charity, says having a place of focus for the deceased person is vital in the grieving and remembering process.

She said: "Like everything else associated with grieving, there are no rights or wrongs.

"We are individuals, and the way we grieve is also individual.

"In Italy and France, for example, families will flock to graves, especially on the annual Day of the Dead, and yet it doesn't stop the grieving process of moving on, but helps people to pay their respects.

"In this country, while I have never known a widow or widower to be obsessive about grave-visiting, it is certainly the case that people need a focal point to help them remember their loved ones.

"Anything that attempts to disrupt that, for them, or for others, will be met with strong resistance.

"However, in our increasingly mobile society, where we rarely live near where our parents are buried, whether graves will play a key part of that focus is not known.

"I am increasingly finding that people will use as their focus a place where there are happy memories of a loved one, perhaps by the sea, or somewhere where they can sit, remember and reflect on the past," she added.

Anne says her own partner's ashes were scattered in her village graveyard, just five minutes from where she lives.

"I drive past there many times a week and more often than not, I don't give it a thought," she explained.

"At other times, I will go and visit the graveyard, and it helps me to remember.

"People take great care in choosing the final 'resting place' for their loved ones. They want to make sure it was where he or she would have wanted.

"Therefore, many families will find it very difficult to agree to remains being exhumed to make way for others.

"There's something very deep in the psyche that says we need a place where we can let people rest when they die."

We must treat dead with respect

WHILE local authorities and the Archdeacon support the radical re-think on how people are 'laid to rest', funeral directors and others urge caution.

Simon Head, of Head and Wheble Funeral Directors, said: "Bereaved people are not going to like the idea of the re-use of graves in this proposal, or relatives, remains being moved. It's a very emotive subject."

He says many families are very traditional, with generations having been buried in the same ground.

He explained: "British people are, by and large, very conservative.

"The way we treat the dead needs to be done in a right or respectful manner.

"An option worth promoting for this and coming generations is cremation, but with the ashes all being buried in one family grave. This would save space, but also create a place where families could go to pay their respects for generations to come."

To make your views known, write to: The Rt Hon David Blunkett, Home Secretary, 50 Queen Anne's Gate, London, SW1H 9AT