I CAN honestly say I never thought that I would see the day when I would directly compare the products of Tom Cruise and Quentin Tarantino in a review.

But here we are - and, unfortunately for the Cruiser, Quentin has beaten him to the stab, the swipe and the kick, as well as the punch.

Kurosawa's legendary Seven Samurai has now been referenced in both Kill Bill and this month's biggie, The Last Samurai. Brimming with legend, mysticism and the supposed magic of the East, it's no wonder that Western filmmakers have been dying to siphon off some of this cinematic gold dust to sprinkle all over their own projects.

Now it's the turn of "Mr Box Office" Cruise, who many of you may have seen wittering - insincerely, in my opinion - on a television near you about how inspiring he found this way of life.

Cruise plays Captain Nathan Algren, a disillusioned and drunken wreck of a man who is tormented by the fact that he has been responsible for the slaughter of native Americans. Recruited to go and help the Japanese Emperor stop the rebellion by the Samurai forces of Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe), he soon finds himself captured and an object of much curiosity for the samurai.

Yes, you've guessed it - it's a Dances With Wolves attempt to win a small gold man for Tom.

But this is no Costner epic - unfortunately. The film has been directed by Edward Zwick, who made the insanely-plotted and crazily-corny Legends of the Fall, and therein lies its most glaring flaw.

When we first see Cruise, he's slouched in a chair looking agonisingly into the camera, while the Stars and Stripes hangs in the background. All the while the music twangs at the heartstrings - a scene more overcooked than David Dickinson!

This is truly unfortunate, as The Last Samurai manages to be worth a watch for other reasons. The Japanese cast is uniformly excellent, with Watanabe and Koyuki, as the woman Cruise falls in love with, heartrendingly genuine.

The battle scenes are also great - Zwick also directed 1989's Glory.

The 1,000 martial arts experts on the payroll have paid off with interest, with some lovely smaller moments such as the Hari-kiri scene, and suitable violence to have you wincing along merrily.

But when it comes down to it, an audience just can't fully buy Cruise's escapade. The film just goes too far in suggesting that not only would he be able to defend himself against four Samurai warriors but that he would then fairly seamlessly adopt their methods and better them.

He never seems to be absorbed into the role, being far from the "white tiger" that the film purports he has become.

Oh, and a note to Billy Connolly, who destroys an Irish accent and is, thankfully, killed early on before he can do any more linguistic damage - stick to stand-up.