Crap Towns, Edited by Sam Jordison and Dan Kieran, Boxtree Press

You have to hand it to the editors of this book - they certainly have tapped into a great gimmick.

Crap Towns, roll up, roll up, come and have a good old cheap shot at those unfortunate places in the UK.

Now, I haven't been here very long - a mere matter of months - but, in that time, I've been asked on many occasions why the heck did I come here all the way from Northern Ireland?

I have come to see that Basingstoke-bashing is a bit of a common occurrence - Boringstoke, doughnut city, yah yah yah, take aim and fire.

And if that was you, shame on your taking the easy option! The book evolved from the website for The Idler, as the editors themselves explain.

"We wrote two pieces about Morecambe and Alresford, put them up on the website of The Idler, and enquired if any of the magazine's readers had suffered similar experiences."

We in Basingstoke have the accolade of being number nine out of 50 towns, with Hull apparently the worst: "It smells of death".

Winchester clocks up an impressive fifth place, with Cumbernauld, Morecambe and Liverpool also in the top 10.

Apparently, one of Basingstoke's main crimes includes the town centre looking like "Ground Zero on September 12" - a cheap, low and unfunny shot, I feel. In fact, they've neglected to properly acknowledge Festival Place, which, take it from me, is a flippin' amazing shopping area compared with most.

Every time I've wandered through Festival Place, I have been amazed at the sheer number of people there, so someone's clearly liking it.

After that, it's a vague and very brief collection of negative statements and photographs - a selective misrepresentation, if you will.

Now, I'm well aware that there are developmental issues in town which it is having to adapt and modernise, but where aren't there issues of this type? At least people here have passion about their area, something that isn't so in evidence elsewhere, and local MP Andrew Hunter made the effort to reply, duly being published in the book.

As far as the arts go, we're miles ahead of other towns of our size. Not only do we have The Anvil for larger productions and concerts, but there's the Haymarket with its innovative French season and newly-launched play-writing competition, and Proteus, Central Studio and a dozen other projects on the bubble. As for local cinema facilities, Ster Century is particularly superb, and I'm there at least twice a week.

Okay, we've no men's department in our H&M - but give it time!

I would normally find books like this wryly amusing but, bottom line, this one is not only inaccurate and out-of-date, it's also slight, boring, and ever so convinced of its own greatness.

Crap town? Crap book!

Crap Towns, priced £10, is available to buy now.