HELP! Is the cry from LE Madgewick, who sent in the poem 'Windmills and flowers' to Creative Corner because it "needs an expert's opinion".
I'm no expert, LE, but in the run-up to the closing date for the Daily Echo's poetry competition (October 2) I thought it would be useful to take a close look at a poem and what we can learn from it.
"This poem is different to my usual sort of composition," says LE.
"It doesn't rhyme. That's the trouble when you try something new, you lose your confidence a bit. I enjoyed writing it. I sat by the lake at work, during my lunch hour, watching the ducks and the fish and this came to me instantly. I hope YOU like it."
There are lots of things I like about this poem. For a start, it's ambitious: LE has escaped the security of a traditional rhyme, but has sought to give shape to her poem by clever use of another kind of sound: alliteration. This is when the first letter of a word is the same as that of a neighbouring word.
LE has made some phrases work very well in this way: "voluptuous vineyard" is my favourite.
The poem also has a nice shape on the page. It looks inviting, it looks crafted. When you start to read you are assailed by colours and sounds, perhaps much in the way that the poet was by the scene she was watching.
A good exercise when writing a descriptive poem like this one is to ask yourself whether every single word is doing some work. Have you used the best and simplest words?
Sometimes you can have simply too many adjectives and nouns competing for the reader's attention, and sometimes this poem gets a little crowded.
In verse 3, for instance, we have "beautiful blooms". Can you actually picture a "beautiful bloom"? Is it big, small, red, white?
Abstract words like beautiful should be used with great care in a poem. They don't add to your work, they clog them up. It is always much better to be specific: say exactly what is beautiful about your blooms and your reader will be delighted with the image they get.
The title is vital: you don't have room for a title that doesn't add. Think of it as the first line: it's that important. It should engage the reader, and be relevant to the content. "Windmills and Flowers" doesn't do enough work in this poem. I think this poem would be improved dramatically with a sharper title, something like "Gardener's Gala", perhaps?
LE's adventurous and rich poem is fun for the reader. With a little weeding of clich and words that aren't working hard enough, it will be as glorious as the scene it describes.
Read L E Madgewick's poem in the Daily Poem section.
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