Every day some 17 babies in the UK are born dead or die during the first 28 days of life. While nothing can ever take away the pain of losing a baby, the Babyloss website has been set up in Southampton to help families come to terms with their loss. EMMA BARNETT reports...

NOTHING on earth could have prepared Jan Tubb for the way she felt when her baby, Katie, died before she was born.

Too devastated to talk about the experience, she did not feel able to contact any of the local charities offering help and support.

But then she discovered the Babyloss website - a way of contacting others who had experienced a similar loss without having to even leave your own home.

"It's been eight months since Katie died," said Jan, 37, who is now six months pregnant with her second child.

"The first six months you're grieving normally, but it's only recently it's hit me.

"Initially I wasn't ready to contact other people, but on the Internet it's one step removed and there's someone there 24 hours day.

"No one understands it unless they've been through it."

Jan, a supply teacher from Hereward Close, Romsey, was so impressed with the website that she has become a moderator for a couple of its forums and offers advice and support to other families who have lost a baby.

"I've had much support from family and friends and also from my Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (Sands), friends and all those wonderful people on the Babyloss website.

"I couldn't have survived without them. I've realised how death is such a taboo subject in our culture and even more so the death of a baby.

"I want to play my part to raise awareness of Babyloss so that it may help those who suffer to be treated more sensitively.

"For people to communicate with us and for our society to understand that, indeed such loss needs time to allow us to grieve freely and openly with no embarrassment or fear."

Jan added: "You never, ever get over anything like that. You just learn to live with it.

"The best thing people can do is talk to other people that have gone through it, either through Babyloss or Sands.

"To friends and family who care, let them talk, let them cry, don't give advice - just listen."

Jan, who lives with her 24-year-old recruitment adviser husband, Nick, had various problems all through her pregnancy with Katie.

She said: "I had lots of niggly things. I've got rheumatoid arthritis and that came back - I was in remission. I could hardly move.

"I had constant high blood pressure problems all the way through. I was off work at about 16 weeks pregnant. But that's not to say it was all linked."

Jan said she realised something was very wrong when she woke one morning with severe stomach pains.

She was taken to hospital where three different consultants struggled to find a heartbeat for Katie.

"We knew straight away," she said. "The worst moment was going on the trolley down to the labour and delivery room and praying they'd made a mistake. But you know in your heart."

Katie died at 34 weeks after the placenta came away from Jan's womb.

Although she is now pregnant again, with a little boy the couple plan to call Charlie, Jan said she will never stop worrying about the pregnancy.

"I'm quite a brave person, but this is the scariest thing in my life, getting pregnant again.

"The Caesarean section is booked for February 7. I've been thinking all along that I won't get that far, but the pregnancy has been so different that maybe I will."

For more information about baby loss call Sands on 023 8084 2305.

FACTFILE:

THE Babyloss website is administered from Southampton and was initially launched in 2000 with the collaboration of support workers at the city's Princess Anne Hospital.

A support and information resource, the site now receives thousands of unique visits each month from people whose lives have been touched by the loss of a baby during pregnancy or after birth.

The site held the first Babyloss Awareness Day in the UK on October 15, which was supported by the Miscarriage Association, Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society, the Ectopic Pregnancy trust and Antenatal Results and Choices.

Ribbon pins were sold to raise funds for the charities and to raise awareness of pregnancy and infant loss.

Charlotte Cornwall, founder of the website, said: "The death of a child at any age is devastating, but it can be hard for relatives and friends to understand the impact of miscarriage or stillbirth.

"Wearing a Babyloss ribbon pin as an acknowledgement will also help to support national charities in their work with distressed parents."

Babyloss funds small pregnancy loss causes, such as support groups and local projects.

The website can be found at: http://www.babyloss.com