Rupert Bogarde - nephew of film star Dirk - talks candidly about his personal tragedy, as revealed in his new book...

WHEN Rupert Bogarde started writing his first book it was to be the true story of himself and his partner pursuing their dreams in the south of France.

He had no idea that it would turn into a tragedy about a family torn apart by mental illness, a missing woman and a mysterious death.

Rupert, the nephew of film star Dirk Bogarde, now lives peacefully in Lymington with his current wife, Sophie, and their five children.

He is an extremely affable man, whose happy, easy-going manner makes it hard to believe the horrors that he has been through while chasing a dream of family happiness that became more and more elusive.

In 1983, at the age of 21, Rupert fell in love with Jacquie who had an infectious enthusiasm for life and endless supplies of energy.

Rupert was unhappy with his career and, as Jacquie loved southern France and already had a share of a restaurant business there, the couple decided to move there.

Rupert is diabetic and the couple came up with the idea of setting up a holiday company to cater specifically for the needs of diabetics.

They bought an old ruined chapel and curates house, embarked on a long struggle to restore the buildings, spending much of the time teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, living from hand to mouth.

Eventually they got their company Even Breaks off the ground, got married and, with the birth of their two sons, it looked as though all their dreams were going to come true.

But Rupert and Jacquie's relationship was becoming increasingly turbulent, with her behaving erratically, becoming obsessed with running the business and partying for days on end.

The cracks became too obvious to ignore and after a particularly wild night, it became apparent that Jacquie was mentally ill.

She was briefly admitted to a mental hospital but when she was released she was far from cured.

She continued behaving erratically until one night she jumped in her car and drove off, never to be seen alive again.

And it wasn't until seven years later, after months spent searching for her and eventually beginning to rebuild his life that Rupert discovered the truth of what had happened to her.

Rupert had begun writing his travelogue before things started to go wrong and continued with it as things became turbulent, with his writing adjusting to what was going on around him.

"The beginning chapters are very much as they were when I first wrote them, then as things changed, I was writing things as they were happening, so the book changed with me.

"But I put it away for a long time after Jacquie was gone - I just couldn't face it," explains Rupert.

But although writing the book made Rupert focus on his feelings of horror and confusion, he didn't find it a cathartic experience.

"I shall never do something like that again," he says.

"It was a very, very hard thing to write.

"I kept having to go over the same thing over and over again - it was very distracting and not particularly good for me."

Rupert had finished writing the book and was at the editing stage when Jacquie's body was finally found.

The discovery answered some of Rupert's questions but many remain unanswered.

If her illness or the police investigation after she was missing had been handled differently, would the outcome have still been the same?

Rupert's frustration at the way Jacquie's illness and disappearance were handled is immediately obvious when reading the book and although his anger at the French authorities has softened with time, the sadness is still there today.

"There is such poor supervision of the mentally ill there- it's devastating when you live with someone and you don't know what they are going to do next - it can be very frightening.

"I felt that Jacquie was let out of hospital not really knowing who she was and saying, 'come back in a month or two' really wasn't enough."

"I'm not resentful of France because I had lots of wonderful friends there and I love the country but I think we were unlucky," he says.

And his luck with the authorities seemed to go from bad to worse after Jacquie went missing, with Rupert feeling that far too little was being done to establish what had happened to her.

"It is just very sad that the first judge who was dealing with the investigation wasn't on the ball," he says.

"We got a different judge in charge later on and if we had had him from the beginning. I think the outcome would have been very different."

But it is not only the French authorities who come under attack in Daybreak into Darkness.

Rupert has been brutally honest about everyone in his book, and realises some people might not like what they read.

"I'm sure I will get a thick ear from somebody but what I've written is literally playing back what I saw and felt.

"I've really tried to be just and fair and I've been just as unpleasant about myself.

"I haven't depicted myself as anything other than how I thought I was at the time, which was sometimes weak and fairly hopeless."

Rupert has also resisted remembering Jacquie with rose-tinted spectacles.

"All the way through you have to fight that urge, especially if you care very much for that person.

"I did idolise her at times but in the book the extremes were held back on - in some places I've tried not to be too flowery and conversely there are some things I'm not prepared to talk about because they're too dark."

Thankfully, Rupert is now no longer in a dark place.

He has managed to put the past behind him and lives happily with his family, enjoying the even keel that his life is now on.

But he will never forget what happened in France.

As he says: "Jacquie does deserve to be remembered."