From the age of ten I have aspired to become a wife and a mother. It is all I have ever wanted. When I married David in June 1993 I took it for granted that within a year I would have a baby. This was not to be the case. In September 1995 I was -diagnosed as having -ovarian cancer and I had to have my right ovary removed. This did not deter me, but in May 1996, it was discovered that the -cancer had spread to my womb and to my left ovary. On July 4, 1996, I had to have a full -hysterectomy and oopherectomy to -eradicate the cancer. This came as one hell of a blow, not because I had cancer, but because my fertility had been snatched away from me.

Upon my second diagnosis the doctors mentioned -surrogacy to me. I have to admit at the time the thought horrified me. It was, in effect, David having a child with another woman, a thought I could not comprehend. This was to change. After my -hysterectomy, David and I received a letter from a lady offering to surrogate for us. We met, got on very well and decided that per-haps we could make this agreement work. It took six attempts to achieve a preg-nancy but when she did at 19 weeks the baby had to be -terminated due to a severe chromosome abnormality. After two months we embarked on IVF with the same surrogate. She achieved a pregnancy on the first attempt. The baby died at nine weeks. Our three remaining embryos unfortunately didn't -survive the thawing process and then our -surrogate fell pregnant by her own husband. That was back in December, I have not -spoken to her since because it would hurt me too much.

Throughout the last three years the hardest part for me to deal with personally was the childlessness. I felt cheated that I am unable to provide David with the children he deserves.

Adoption is an option but we have been turned down by two agencies (due to the -cancer) and are currently liaising with Southampton Social Services. But the fact is I want David to have a child that is genetically his own. Surrogacy is the only way we can do this. Unless you have been touched by infertility you will probably find it hard to comprehend surrogacy arrangements. But for -people like myself it is our only hope.

I feel very sorry for COTS and Kim Cotton. The organisation does an out standing job matching -couples with potential surrogates and to date it has helped approximately 250 couples to have the fami-lies they craved, but all it gets is criticism. Normally the people who stand up and shout against surrogacy and COTS are people who have children and have never been touched by infertility. They don't stop to think how that makes a woman feel.

All I want is a -family with David. I wanted four -children by the time I was 30. I haven't achieved this wish but my determination will get me through and we will achieve our family one way or another.

Converted for the new archive on 25 January 2001. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.