VOW TO FIGHT: Sally Taylor.

WITH the forceful authority that has become her trade-mark on screen, Sally Taylor insists she is NOT a victim.

That type of thinking makes her toes curl. She will not be labelled as "bravely battling'' and "struggling heroically'' in her fight ag-ainst cancer.

"It's not some-thing I'm ashamed of - and I definitely do not consider myself a victim," she states.

A few weeks ago, Sally discovered that she has "chaotic" pre-cancerous cells in her right breast - and the threat of them in the left - a harbinger of the invasive cancer that killed her mother more than 35 years ago. She has taken the decision to have a double mastectomy, which should eradicate the risk.

Of course, it wasn't taken easily, and she doesn't pretend that she hasn't been to hell and back since the evening early in March when she got the call from her consultant.

"I've had a tiny lump - like a pin head - on my right breast for some time. It was being monitored and was not of concern to doctors.

"After Christmas, I started to just get irritated by it. It wasn't changing. I just felt I had to sort it out because it was annoying me. The consultant said he'd do various biopsies on it, just to be sure.

"Eventually, they decided to do a lumpecto-my, which is where you take the lump out. So I had a general anaesthetic and it was taken out and they said they'd let me know a week later.

"He rang me at home on a Monday night at the beginning of March. His voice on the telephone gave it away. He was trying to be super kind. He said: 'You'll be glad to know that the lump is not malignant, but it's showing up something which is cause for concern.'

"What it had shown up is a symptom called Ductal Carcinoma In Situ - or DCIS for short - which effectively means cancerous cells are there but they haven't broken out to become invasive cancer."

Not that she was able to take all this in at the time.

"I just listened to what he said, but I didn't understand anything he said. We were expecting the phone call and my partner, John Paul, sat next to me and looked at me and he couldn't hear but he said I just went completely red in the face, and he knew something wasn't right. I changed totally.

"Afterwards, I just burst into tears - uncontrollable crying for about five minutes. So much, John Paul couldn't get anything out of me for ages, which was awful for him."

Before long, though, the journalist in her took over and she began a frantic search for information while she awaited her next appointment with the consultant.

"I started phoning people, getting books. I was voracious, absolutely voracious. I needed to be informed. I read every book I could.

"Later, I kept asking for appointments with the doctors and nurses to talk about it. I must have been a real nuisance, but I had to know - that this didn't have to be life-threatening."

It was a week later that she learned just how radical the treatment would be.

A mastectomy of the right breast was suggested. She was told it was highly unlikely the left breast would develop invasive cancer too. Unlikely wasn't enough. Despite her shock, which was considerable, Sally opted to have a double mastectomy.

"It was my decision and I'm pleased I've made that decision now, because it's going to give me peace of mind, without a doubt.

"For 30 years I've worried about this. It's been like a Sword of Damocles hanging over me. Now I won't have to worry about it."

She is to have reconstructive surgery. "I think when it comes to breast cancer, each woman will decide for herself whether she feels she needs reconstructive surgery.

"For me, I'm in my early 40s and I have a new relationship which is very important to me. I've discussed this with my partner at length and I want to have reconstructive surgery.

"It's going to make me feel better with my partner and give me the confidence I need in the job that I do."

That's the practicalities sorted out. Emotionally, though, she's been wrung out - and she knows there's more wringing to go.

Breaking the news to her family was her first consideration. They've been hugely supportive, but the news inevitably un-earthed some of the grief of more than 35 years past, when her mother died.

Through all of this, Sally continued on screen, night after night, as before. Only a handful of her colleagues were told.

"I went straight into work the day after I'd heard. This was three days before a major transport debate, which I was doing. It had been organ-ised for months, all the guests were coming.

"My boss was absolutely fantastic. He came to my house and we talked at length and he asked me if I wanted to do the transport debate. "I thought about opting out there and then and not working, and then I discussed it with John Paul and thought: 'I have to keep going for a while, until I get the surgery date. I can't sit around moping.' So I got on and did it, and of course nobody knew, so I was treated as I normally would be - shouted at and me shouting back!"

There were days, though, when she allowed herself to crumble.

"I woke up one morning and I couldn't stop crying, and I phoned my boss and said: 'I just can't cope. I can't do this. I can't come into work, I'm sorry.' And I put the phone down. I cried all day. "I was huddled up in a big jumper and spent a day feeling sorry for myself and it got a lot of emotions out, and it was a good thing to do." So much crying has been a shock in itself.

"The impact of it has brought up emotions in me that I didn't know I had. And that's going to go on. Every day I learn something about myself which I never thought I would.

"You ask any-body and they'll say 'Sally is a very strong, determined, capable person' - all those kinds of words, which is great.

"But there's another whole side to me that perhaps I don't let people know about - a certain vulnerability and insecurity. I bury my emotions very easily. I don't let them come to the surface.

"I know what this will do without a shadow of a doubt and it's already started.

"I will be a different person; a much more open person - much happier, in a funny sort of way. "I'm not an aggressive sort of person at all, but when I'm on television there a particular image I suppose that is taken on. It's not the true image of me."

A crucial support in those early weeks was her on-screen partner, Andrew Harvey.

"Andrew has handled it brilliantly. He was one of the first people I told, because not only is he a colleague, but he's become a great friend. He's been 100 per cent supportive. He's the only person who's said: 'How are you feeling' when I got to work and if I say I'm having a bad day he takes on everything for me.''

Sally's not looking forward to the sedentary life she'll be forced to lead while she recovers. A natural out-doors type, with a love for sailing and travelling, she knows it will be hard.

One project that she has committed to, with breathtaking candour, is the recording of the next few months of her life by BBC South's Southern Eye unit. Filming has already begun.

"It's actually been quite easy because TV is second nature to me. It's something very positive, some-thing very honest. It certainly shows a different side to me. It's warts and all.

"I have got upset by doing it, as anybody would I suppose, but it's been a good thing because it's making me talk about it and helping me come to terms with it."

Now that the operation is imminent, though, she does admit to doubts and fears. "I'm getting very nervous. You think of this operation in the future, the future, the future. Now I'm thinking 'I'm perfectly healthy! Why am I doing this' Because I am perfectly healthy.

"Yes, I've got cancer cells. But when you're perfectly healthy and feel well, it just seems radical to be doing this."

There's no doubt that she'll see it through, though, and she hopes the public side of it will help anyone else facing similar surgery.

"If there's one thing I'd like to be able to do with this whole bloody thing, it's to show people that you can get through it and have a long and happy life.

"But you have to have the right attitude."

Converted for the new archive on 25 January 2001. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.