The awkward date

That awful feeling a couple of minutes in when you realise you have nothing to say to each other and are going to have to stagger through clunky conversation until a suitable amount of time has elapsed for the night to be called to an end.

On a recent occasion I went on a date with a girl I had met on a couple of occasions.

She was intelligent, charming and gorgeous and we had got on really well previously when circumstances had just thrown us together.

However, now we were actually on a date and had chosen to spend time together, the conversation seemed to dry up, leaving us nervously smiling at each other.

I started mindlessly fiddling with the label on my bottle of beer as I searched the recesses of my mind for a humorous yet sexually-neutral anecdote.

Sadly, I don’t idle well and the bottle soon slipped from my grasp and fell off the table.

I caught it on the first bounce and momentarily hoped my cat-like reflexes would make up for the long gaps in conversation.

I was surprised by the silences, it seemed something about this being rendered a date had changed the breezy nature of our acquaintance.

Of course, her nervousness may simply mean she had started to read my column but I ploughed ahead anyway.

She briefly excused herself and I frantically tried to rustle up some more questions that could lead to a legitimate conversation.

We had already used up films, music and books, dear God was I going to have to ask what her favourite colour was?

It took us about two hours to choke down our meals, have a couple of drinks, shake hands and then part company forever.

Was this date a one-off?

It seemed I was taking a pretty big risk with girls I had only met once, often in a drunken haze.

Perhaps I could take precautions to avoid this.

Dinner is a bit much of a commitment early on so I could downgrade that to drinks, which offers a far quicker get-out option.

Cinema, theatre or any other activities that involve long silences could go in favour of interactive dates offering constantly new topics of conversation like the zoo.

I felt quite bad that I had failed to rescue the evening with the aforementioned hottie until I saw the way some men pile on the awkwardness.

I was in a restaurant the other day and could overhear the familiar sound of a woman wriggling out of a second date. As they were just starting their main course her rejection was communicated mainly through non-commital sounds when he mentioned future plans.

As I eavesdropped further, it became clear it was a first date but then in the middle of the inane chatter he suddenly said morosely: “I’m never going to see you again, am I?”

I was slightly impressed - having realised nothing was going to happen he had opted not to slink away into the night but to make them both feel utterly uncomfortable for the rest of the evening.

Strain as I might, I heard little else from them throughout the night.

Oddly, the most awkward dating moment for me came at the start of a six-month relationship.

We had met once and despite my nerves we had a fantastic night of banter and chat.

Sensing she was classy I tried to end the night by putting my hand on her arm and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

As I was just making cheek contact she said in a shocked voice: “Are you aware your hand is on my breast?”