EVERYONE has parts of their body they are unhappy with.

It occurred to me maybe if I corrected one of these it would boost my mating credentials.

I considered getting my snaggle tooth fixed or maybe going to the gym more often.

While I liked these ideas in theory they sounded like the kind of thing that could be expensive or tire me out.

It was then I turned my attention to my feet.

Improving these scaly talons would certainly be a step in the right direction and I had heard several friends raving about a new treatment at Eastern Arts, Bedford Place that involved toe nibbling – by fish.

The salon usually deals exclusively with women but agreed to let me sample their new Plathea Ultimate Fish Pedicure.

This is the latest in skin therapy and sees 150 garra rufa fish hoover dry skin from the feet with their tiny mouths.

When I first arrived one of the staff members talked me through the process and then started to wash my feet.

I was mortified and apologised profusely for the terrible condition of my hobbit-like trotters and explained I had no idea humans would be coming into contact with them.

I then lowered my feet into the tank and watched my new aquatic acquaintances swarm towards me with a piranha like hunger in their eyes.

However, far from being painful it was utterly relaxing.

As the soothing feeling increased I considered the possibility of lowering my whole body into the tank but thought shedding my clothes in full view of the public may have legal repercussions.

I drank my cup of tea and tried to read my book but I found my eyes kept wandering back to the fascinating fish.

As much of my dry skin reserves had already been mined they started to circle my feet looking for smaller deposits of untapped delights.

At one point I saw two fish fighting over one of my little toes until the bigger one chased the smaller one away.

I felt indignant like when you feed ducks and a greedy swan joins the party.

I wasn’t going to encourage this sort of behaviour so I tried to flick the larger fish away with my big toe and put my little toe under the smaller fish’s nose.

It was now time for me to inspect my feet which it has to be said were baby soft and fishy fresh.

I had felt no pain whatsoever they were immaculate – they could almost be ladies feet.