I CANNOT believe the arrogance of the Rev Ian Johnson (From the Heart, September 7).

To suggest that there is nothing to celebrate in the life of an 11-year-old is disgraceful. Any life should be celebrated, however old they be.

My son is 13 and has given joy to many people. I am sure that Rhys Jones also gave joy to his parents and his friends in his short life. His parents do not need to dwell on the cause of his death when they said their goodbyes.

Times change and the Church, in whatever format, does not hold the answers for everyone. My husband and I are not religious and we do not attend church but that does not make us in any way bad people'.

When we got married my husband requested that the hymns not mention God or Jesus. He certainly does not want hymns and references to God at his funeral.

We both planned our funerals, way before the death of Diana, and want them to be a celebration of the people we are. No one is to wear black and the songs we have chosen have significance to us and reflect what has made us happy in our lifetime (obviously this list may change over the coming years).

I can think of no better hands for a funeral to be in than those of the bereaved. I do not want someone who has never met me standing in front of my friends going through notes, compiled in under an hour, of my life.

Yes, losing a loved one hurts but everyone deals with bereavement in a different way. If a solemn and conventional funeral is what you want then fine. Just do not criticise those of us who want something different.

SUSAN SPENCER, Southampton.